YOUR MARITAL HEALTH/WHY HUSBANDS DON’T HAVE ORGASM: MR. MYTH – THE SEXUAL-DEPRIVATION MYTH
I try to deprive myself. I don’t masturbate and I stop even asking for sex. I thought that maybe a few weeks of celibacy-would prime the pump. Maybe I need a new pump.
HUSBAND
The energy concept of sexuality continues to dominate sex in marriage. It is simply not true that by holding back your sexual expression, you will build up a ‘ ’sex-drive bank.” As a matter of fact, the less sex you have, the less sexual you tend to feel and think.
One of my medical students was very critical of this material as I presented it. “I’m sure that the less sex I have, the more I want it.” He came back three months later to report, “You’re right. I got so busy in this medical school curriculum that I forgot all about sex. Then I had sex with my girlfriend last night. Now I can’t get it off my mind.”
Sexual activity leading to more sexual interest is why it is important to schedule sex, even though you have been taught that sex ought to be spontaneous. Super marital sex requires making time for sex, not counting on some inner drive to perpetuate sexual interest. Nothing about our health is automatic. Diet, exercise, dental care must be scheduled. Sex is no different. Spontaneity is more likely if regular sex is taking place, because the opportunity for spontaneity is created.
Not all sex can be mutual. If we over-romanticize our sexuality, see it exclusively as a mutually pleasing interaction in every instance, we burden our relationship. The emphasis on doing everything right, putting everything together, completing the shift, is another mechanistic approach to sex left over from the first three perspectives. Sexual frequency and style is a matter under our control. All motivation is preceded by behavior. You will feel sexier if you behave sexily. Saving it up, trying to create a sexual savings account, trying to make sure all account holders are pleased every time only results in loss of interest.
*129\97\8*
Random Posts
No Comments »
RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URL
Leave a comment
You must be logged in to post a comment.